This is not a straightforward answer and requires a lot of contexts to answer effectively. You will need to shine a spotlight on your relationship, view it from many angles. Another solution is to get a fresh set of eyes to advise you to get to the bottom of it – read some guides online or ask a friend.
Deciding on the best course of action can often be derived from the original feedback source. We think sex in all relationships comes in many forms and performs various roles for certain couples that do not apply to others.
Before determining whether there is a problem and if you should leave or stick with a sexless relationship, first establish a few key areas:
- Has your relationship become sexless over time?
- Was the relationship always sexless from the onset?
- Are you still turned on by your partner?
- Do you find yourself sexually attracted to other people?
How Has It Come to This?
It’s important to appreciate your surroundings and circumstances before making any hasty decisions about staying in a sexless marriage or leaving. Understanding the foundations of sexlessness is vital.
If it is something as simple as you both being busy with responsibilities and interests outside of the relationship, that is fixable. That is simply a case of dedicating more time to each other for intimacy and sacrificing external commitments to reignite the marriage. Visit a couples’ counsellor should help too.
Whereas if you find yourself sexless because you are no longer attracted to one another and physically don’t want to have sex, it is a bigger problem. Then you would have to question if the relationship is right and if you still love each other.
Suppose you were never actually attracted to your partner or to everyone else. In that case, you’ll need to rethink your identity and accept yourself as an asexual. The same goes for your partner!
Is Sex Necessary?
Sex can be an essential component of an intimate bond, especially amongst black couples. In contrast, asexual or platonic relationships tend to be more companionship-focused than being in love.
Sex is both a physical and emotional connection between two people, which can nurture feelings that can be embedded long-term and be beneficial for years and years. The intimate act itself preserves a couple’s closeness. It allows them to enjoy pleasures together that are forbidden with others, creating a unique bond through commitment between the two.
In some people’s minds, rightly or wrongly, the level of sexual desire and the frequency of occurrence measure the relationship’s success.
This reinforces the notion that a relationship is less romantic and looks more like a friendship if the connection fades and the intimacy levels drop.
Is Sex Important in a Relationship?
Sex isn’t as important to everyone on the same level. You will find people that need it every day and others that can easily go without it. In reality, it’s best to try and find a balance between your own personal levels of desire and those of your partner.
Too much one way and not enough the other can cause a divide and further issues between the two of you. Generally, sex slows down the older you get, and if you are married with children, then a few times a week is reasonable.
Set realistic expectations for yourselves. Some weeks may be more than others, of course, and vice versa. That is the way life goes. Deciding if a sexless marriage or relationship is worth pursuing or has to end is a massive decision not to be taken lightly.
Another alternative if one partner is not interested in sex anymore is to try an open relationship whereby the sexually active spouse can sleep with others but remains with their original partner for love and companionship. This works for some couples as both parties get what they want but are certainly not for everyone.
Relationship Without Sex
The sexless nature of a relationship can present itself in many forms. Day-to-day distractions contribute, significant life occasions occur, and both can be contributors to not wanting sex. Sometimes, grieving people never get their sexual appetite back after losing a loved one.
It is common for black guys and gals who stay together after infidelity to struggle in the bedroom too. Other examples can be where you see your partner exclusively as your children’s father or mother and nothing else. This can cause excessive damage to your desire towards them.
Ultimately, you need to do what is right for you. There is no broad answer that can cover everyone because each sexless relationship is built on different grounds and exists on contrasting terms to the next one.
If you can be honest, talk openly about your feelings with your partner, it will help point you both in the right direction. That can be to continue on as you are or to seek alternatives to change your situation.