Whether you’ve been hurt in a past relationship or are feeling unsteady your current one, jealousy can quickly rear its ugly head. Not only will this certainly affect your self-esteem, but it can also easily ruin trust in your relationship or even cause it to end!
To constantly have a happy love life, you’ll need to be jealousy-free, which is, unfortunately, easier said than done. Here’s a three-step plan to help you easily overcome your jealousy & become a better partner in the process.
Identify the Issues
When you’re jealous, it’s always tempting to blame everything on your partner. The questions you ask yourself can seem never-ending, & the more you think about it, the more questions you will have. To actually get rid of jealousy, you first need to identify the issue. Unfortunately, it’s you.
This doesn’t mean you should blame yourself. Jealousy is extremely common, & fortunately, it can be managed (though it may take some extra effort). Once you come to accept the fact that you’re actually the problem, then you will be one step closer to realizing there isn’t a problem: it’s in your head!
Acknowledging this is one thing, but fully internalizing it is another, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you have trouble managing this. It’s fine if it takes time for you to manage these feelings (& it’s definitely normal), but the important part is not to take it out on your partner. That’s where feelings get hurt, arguments happen, & relationships come to a screeching halt.
You and your partner are a team, so you have to be willing to work together on this issue. It’s always hard to explain to your partner why you are jealous, but it’s important you tell them you are trying to address it. When explaining this to your partner, don’t approach it as “you”. Approach it as “I”.
For example, you could say, “I have been feeling jealous that you have been going out so much”, but you definitely wouldn’t want to say, “You’re making me jealous by going out so much”. Definitely avoid accusing your partner of anything. Remember, you are a team!
The purpose of open communication is to build trust. Jealousy always stems from a lack of trust, so building trust should be your number one priority. This doesn’t mean track each other’s phones or stay in touch 24/7, it simply means that you are open & honest with each other. If you wouldn’t tell your partner what you’re doing, then don’t do it.
This goes both ways. If your partner goes somewhere, you wouldn’t want them to without telling you; that’s definitely betraying your trust. At the same time, observing and/or stalking your significant other online is also a betrayal of trust. Don’t do it.
One of the most effective strategies to combat jealousy is to always stay busy. By filling your day up with activities (preferably meaningful ones), you can easily keep your mind from wandering, which will reduce your anxiety & the amount of jealousy you have. Your “staying busy” activity should not be social media.
Unfortunately, social media is a breeding ground for jealousy because you will quickly start comparing yourself to other people online & inevitably go take a look at your partner’s page. The best choice would be an offline activity, but if you prefer an online activity, that’s fine too. Just make sure it’s not linked to social media, where you may be pulled back into a cycle of jealousy.
If possible, a great strategy is to do something with your partner. Spending time together is certainly great for your relationship, & you won’t be feeling anxious since you will be with your partner.
There are many different physiological reasons and triggers that promote jealousy. Don’t attempt all of the steps above at once; take them at your own pace. Remember, jealousy is all in your head, so with enough effort, you can conquer it. Don’t get discouraged—simply take it one day at a time.